LOST

it’s cute how he likes to plan ahead for dates, as if we’re gonna be talking still. i’m not used to be in a stable relationship. i’m used to something always going wrong and breaking up every week. that’s how my last relationship was. 

but it’s so different. a good different. it’s like he doesn’t plan on leaving anytime soon. and he trusts me and doesn’t think anything bad will happen.

my last relationship, it’s like he doubted us lasting. we could never make plans ahead because we didn’t know if we would be together or not. it sucked.

such an unhealthy relationship. 

i don’t regret it. i learned things from it. he taught me how to love. and other things.

it just was that we both were so stubborn and argued a lot. we both always had to be right. and so yeah…

anyway, i think it’s gonna take some time before i get used to this stability. i think he trusts me more than i trust him. cause i always feel like he’s gonna just stop talking to me one day or just get mad at me for something and then be done. but he hasn’t yet. 

maybe he’s good for me. i think i’m falling for him.

jk lol

but at least he’s faithful and honest. that’s two really hard things to find in a guy these days…

i’ve become less picky with guys ever since lelan. he pretty much made me lower all my standards, and taught me to put up with pretty much anything. which is really bad, if you think about it.

but i guess i can thank him for making it easier for me to find someone else now.

but those hurt the most.

i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to do this anymore, but i feel stuck.

:/

except for the fact that they told me i’d get off at like 2 or 3 and i didn’t end up leaving until like 5.

but it’s easy. we can text and read a book or do our hw or whatever. and all we really need to do is answer phones and wait on the clients before their appointments. pretty simple.

i’m still in training, but i pretty much already have it all down.

i think i work til 1 today, then mom is taking me to lunch and then we’re gonna go look at new furniture for our guest room. 

and then i think church with juan after that. or i’ll go alone.

should be a good day.

something nice about juan is that he knows when a girl is a hoe and i don’t have to ask him to stop talking to her or stop hanging out with her. he just does it. 

if she ever showed up where he was at, he would leave. for me. and i wouldn’t even have to tell him or anything. 

there’s an example i could use, well lots of examples. but yeah. i don’t need to.

it was never like this with lelan. he would encourage girls to keep wanting him and would surround himself with girls who didn’t care if he had a gf. that brought a lot of arguments and stress in the relationship. if only he had been more considerate of me…we would have had less problems and been happier. but it’s all over now. because of him i know when to appreciate something good and not take it for granted.